Chapter 12: Moronic

In the hallway, fierce flames lick the charred walls,
There, I waited for you, here, there, knowing you’d take my calls,
Those desperate pleas for an ear to absorb my troubles,
Angry, crippled, heart-sickening stumbles,
My endearing fickle complains,
Something you call a ‘restraint’…

For a while, we wrote a short novel,
We fussed, tethered, almost grovelled,
Despite my word of another story,
Much longer than our perennial glory,
You listened well, but you’d cackle smugly,
I had to close our novella quickly,
For our little glory’s light darkened,
Why did I ever seek guidance from you?

While your disappearance became routine,
My need for your nimble ear soon deemed
Lost, gone, yet they still cascaded whenever a crack ceased the wall,
Temptation would always slip through the fall.

Time held me well, while you were absent without a trace,
I bathed in restlessness and frustrated fallacies, falling out of place,
While my impatience grew hungry for your dexterity,
I concluded to channel through to reality,
For other ears, my tales of woes became irritable whines,
Silent, but the foundation of devotion entwined,
Withering slowly.

Time still held me well, but you suddenly surfaced again, steadily,
Trigger-happy temptation, I aimed at you hastily,
I fired feverish questions; ‘where have you been(s)?’,
But the bullets didn’t break your seams,
Something in your eyes had hardened you,
You acted quite differently too,
I tried charm and wit to enlighten that darkness,
But the very gravity still remained flawless,
Nothing  softened the concrete wall in your mind,
Even within the kind.

My temptations balanced, going back and forth,
Battling with my angels and demons, betting to be caught,
I question in favour of many; what caused this heart-sickening disaster?
Little whispers from the innocent say I could master
The deepest and unlawful sorts of crimes,
There I stood; knowingly I’d struggle in my own grime,
But with the provision of permanent hands,
I fell and melted into the lying demands,
Where I composed a pathetic piece of poetry,
Moronic, spiteful, you took no hesitation to correct
Every word and verse,
Stripping me down once again, into the perfect enemy.

So time matured, and so did our fights,
I’d lie in bed, in those restless nights,
Rolling the die over and over again,
Just to see what would become of us then,
But every roll came with a price; I left that door wide open,
To pure honesty and little white lies,
I called several bluffs in the destructive battles and cries,
My poker face played well,
But suspicions continued to dwell,
My guilty hold would soon trembled and crumble
Under the interrogation, I’d mumble:
‘Nothing’s going on’,
Yet my angels knew well, I was wrong.

I remember when I fell into your chamber,
You asked; ‘it’s me or her’,
A difficult decision, but I knew there was more
For such a simple comment, I knew you were trying to lure,
But I disappointed your tasteful dexterity and chose her,
Your oceans twisted and turned,
There, you left me a lesson learnt,
But there, the side stories didn’t end,
You tried to break my happiness,
But hated to hear about my sadness,
Thus you steered me into ‘letting it be’,
A phase I misunderstood; thinking to gain back some light,
I used your ‘advice’, but I didn’t take the ‘let it be’ might,

They say love conquers all,
But that was just it.
You gave up on me because of my stupidity,
Tired and sick of my complaints, my unhappiness,
So you disappeared some more,
And our novel began to sober,
Word of our fighting held on tightly as I came to a decision,
Weakened by our penniless battles,
The cut between the ‘yes’ and ‘no’ saddles,
I fell into a sudden collision,
With the label of ‘suspicion’
Stapled to my forehead,

Our final chapter slowly tip-toed into summer,
And finally the fights were going under,
We broke the foundations of friendship,
We gave up on venting companionship,
Sick with the fatigue of adored voices,
I finally decided in an essay, my choice,
You replied, but second to last,
There was no more ‘plastered’ cast,
It was time to cut you out, rip you out of my life,
Free me from the two world’s strife,
But persistent, you were seemingly frustrated, disappointed,
And from there, I questioned your disjointed
Reaction; angered by my choice, in your words
To ‘please’ her, because of the ‘venting’ curse,
No, she was right; I would be better off without you,
From there, I knew it was true.

As a close friend, I said that I ‘loved’ you, and that this was goodbye,
It was time to move on, focus on my future in life,
Our friendship was fine, but our sins were far too great,
Sooner or later, it’d bring us that coming fate,
No longer did my temptations long for your nimble ear,
No longer would I hold our fair memories near,
I fell and melted,
But the consequences belted,
I was a sucker for your vulnerable past,
I felt like I could’ve been a hero,
Yet, I was so pathetic and useless,
Abusive and intrusive,
I destroyed not only a whole world, but a place I called ‘home’,
Somewhere I really belonged,
Without you.

I was pained by your disappearances,
I knew that this would lead to the consequences,
Our short novel, opened and read,
The secrets and whispers; dead.
Your ways of bullsh*t and gloat
Of things that you maximized by clenching the throat,
So here I am, writing you a goodbye poem,
Useless, pathetic, moronic, but all the more,
I couldn’t care less now that you’re gone,
This poem speaks for itself,
Admits more to the eye,
For I stand over you now,
This poem exceeds in the truth,
The lies, the bullsh*t for some of us pitied you for,
‘But would this even gather the dust of your dexterity?


Because this poem will never, ever, reach you.


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