A smile, a kiss, a promise,
A whisper, a secret, a truth, a lie,
I wrapped and snipped the ribbons perfectly
To secure your imbalance and insecurity,
Making sure every little piece of wrapping
Each morning, I’d embrace you to start your day,
Made sure that everything was okay,
I loved how you’d smile, giggle,
Seeing those little dimples
I enjoyed the fact that I knew you were happy,
But winced to see you in times of melancholy,
A perennial sadness that held you,
Of which, I never understood,
You kept me out, in the best way you could,
It made me determined, annoyed, because
I wanted to help.
But demanding such access,
Only made you put your barriers up higher.
This encouraged spiteful tongues,
Languages that aggravated us,
Hurting, bruising and scarring,
We went to war more than once.
I wanted to help you, and it only irritated me
More, because you repelled any help,
Hid dark pains deep in your skin,
So deep in a locked vault, a thin tightened knot,
I know not everyone’s an open book,
But I was close enough, I felt like a hero,
I wore my shield and bore my sword high,
But it caused us to clash,
We did things we knew we shouldn’t of,
We meant them in the same light,
That’s when our feelings blossomed,
It meant something,
But unfortunately we had other journeys,
Ones we’d started already,
We strayed from them, knowingly.
We blew it, I guess.
We mellowed out,
Got ourselves together,
But worked so hard to block each other
In the end, it became violent.
I see you day by day, and wonder
Why is it that you keep walking by?
You never look at me, and if so
I don’t notice.
I’m numb towards you,
No hatred, distaste, or dislike,
No reason to, just disappointment.
My actions appeared disgusting,
Using, abusing, exploiting,
No, they were genuine,
They had a purpose.
Areas where we went,
Shouldn’t have been trekked,
But I suppose there were reasons
From you too.
I care for you, no past tense.
I still wonder if you’re okay, alright,
Getting on, day and night.
I hate the fact that you feel I’ve used you,
But no, that’s not what I do,
I may be a fool,
I may seem like a tool,
But at that time, I tried to show
Where you should go,
I hated blaming you, you needed to see
And what worse of a way to lead
You into a horrible illusion,
Full of anger and confusion,
Becoming the perfect lie,
Composed right from your mind’s eye,
I’ve broken trust, I’ve torn down walls,
I’ve taken the hits, taken the falls,
But I still crawl, just to face the fight,
The moment, the justice and clarity,
I understand that you can’t stand me,
I understand clearly.
But in honesty, I miss giving you that morning cuddle,
That’s now avoided, forgotten, left,
Why forget those in need?
Why, when I know I could help.
If only just then, maybe little by little,
You’d explain just a little more,
Without that push, without the demand,
There, you’d be able to stand.
A beat, a miss, a tear, a weep,
A break, a loss, a forgotten,
A reason. Whatever.
I won’t forget you, not from today,
Not ever. You of me? Someday.
I don’t, and I can’t steer,
But I, simply can’t, either.