Where My Brother Is


Dear to those that this message may concern,

It’s taken me a while to face the tragic reality of this accident – including the somewhat strength to confront you who know Matt through his knack of poetry and other literary forms, while those who know him on a very personal scale that are among the avid readers of his work. This has taken me a very long time to find the will to come forward and announce this – granted under the permission of my brother in any cause of emergency.

On August 10th, Matt and I went clubbing to let our mum have some rest. But I’d noticed that my brother was feeling slightly off-colour lately too, so from this outing, it would allow him to unwind. As planned, the evening went fine. My brother, predictably in vain, made every attempt to place his troubles and worries aside, and in the end, enjoyed the dry night. We didn’t finish late because we’d been drained from our family’s crisis. So, we drove home, feeling good. But like any point in life, we came across near-fate.

A ‘boy racer’ in his pimped-out hatchback came zooming across the traffic light junction and plummeted into our car – the driver’s side. The impact happened so quickly and fierce, lights blurred violently before my eyes until drowning me in darkness. The last thing I could remember was the faint voices of paramedics, sending orders and reassurances to Matt and I. At that moment, it was almost like in the movies: my consciousness disembodied and disorientated, the fuzz and flashing lights all seemed so surreal. But it was agonisingly real and terrifying. Far too real.

As they carted me away on a stretcher, reality hit me: Matt. My brother. Where was he? Is he okay? These questions circled in my mind infinitely and sent me into hysterics (and still continue to do so). My reaction was quickly spotted by the paramedics, increasng my oxygen and sedated me.

The following morning I woke up, slightly up-right accordingly to my bed’s setting, wires and proves attached over my pulse-points. That heavy-headed haze of drugs and pain held me down. I realised where I was after a while and broke into tears. These were tears of relief and painful hysteria. I felt lost, alone, defenseless and scared. I knew where I was. But I didn’t know where Matt was. I wanted – no – needed to know that he was alive.

A nurse appeared on my side after hearing me break down, calming me softly, explaining the night of our accident, and how quickly we had been rushed through the corridors of the ER – now formally known as the trauma unit (or something not-de-similar). Yet another wave of distraught filled me. Emotions flew everywhere – normal for women – but God, I balled my eyes out as if it was the only way to wear the tretcherous reality away. I needed my big brother. I had to know. But another thing that drove further tears was our mum. She didn’t need to see this, but had to. Her two beloved children involved in a stupid car accident, caused by a stupid immature little boy racer who thought he ruled the roads, in his stupid cheaply pimped-out hatchback. I cursed and wanted to kick and scream.

It’s just not fair.

The nurse informed me that Matt was in the ward next door, comatosed. I wailed ‘Oh, God’ so loud through the tears. My eyes surely should’ve rolled out of my sockets by then. This wasn’t right, this surely wasn’t happening. But damnit, it was. Lord, it was.

I still wish it never happened. Even now I beg to rewind. Matt is still in a comatose. And I tear at the seams of life that he wakes up. It’s just not fair. It really isn’t.

The nurse told me the following details:

Matt has experienced severe concussion, multiple bruises to the body, including whiplash and a broken rib. He is on recovery watch 24-7, and my family and I are instructed to talk to him; to let him know we’re there and hopefully it’ll wake him up.

I myself have bruises and slight concussion. I ache and the pain is unbearable. To even think of and replay that night is traumatising.

The doctor has said that it will possibly take 2 weeks for Matt to wake up. But when he does, he’ll struggle with communicating and mobility skills. This will be further affected by the medication they will provide him with, due to his injuries. The broken rib will heal by itself and that he will have to wear a backbrace, a neck brace and start off in a wheelchair before using crutches to learn how to walk again. The concussion has most likely jarred his memory too; so if you’re expecting any work from him, there won’t be for a very long time. I hope that you will understand this.

Anyhow: the ‘boy racer’ was charged for careless driving and being under the influence of alcohol, as well as damage to our car and putting lives at risk. However, despite this justice, I’d rather know that my brother will see another day.

I welcome and thank all of you for any condolences and prayers, as well as your time and patience.

Sincerely,

– Natasha W.

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14 thoughts on “Where My Brother Is

  1. Please, tell him I love him. Tell him there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. And tell him this for me, please: He is mine and I am his, and loyal to this forever will I be. Please, I’m sorry for all this. I can’t get out the right words, I’m so unable, right now. I’m sure it’s really hard for you, he’ll be fine, he has to be. I can’t do this world, without him. Please, tell him he’s strong, and that there’s no me, without him. I love him, more than words can describe, and I want to be there by him. If there’s anything I can do to help him, please let me know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe this is happening. Please tell him I love him a lot. He’ll be fine.

    1. Hi Alex

      I will tell him, don’t worry. You’re not alone in this moment of trauma and worry, believe me. I’m hoping he’ll be okay, he always is, the goof. It’s not a pleasant sight, so for that, I hand you the ‘you’re very lucky’ card to not have to see the state he’s in – it would worsen everything else. But I promise to mention you just as much as our hopes for him to wake up, as I can gather he means the world and more to you too.

      I apologise for my broken sentences too, it’s really shaken us all up, but I know you understand what’s going on, on this side of the bridge.

      Sincerely,

      – Natasha

      1. Thank you, Natasha.

        If you need any help as well, don’t hesitate to ask me, I’ll be glad to help. I do understand quite well. I was in a car accident a while ago where similar things happened, except my previous conditions had worsened the injuries of the accident over time.

        How’s your mother dealing? I hope she’s all right, she really doesn’t need this at her state. Also please do update me on Matt’s health and improvements, I couldn’t bare to live another day without him. He does mean the world and more to me, I can imagine his state as well.

        He will get better, and soon. He’s a strong man and he’ll get through this and it’s all right, I couldn’t care less about grammar and punctuation at this moment in time.

        Don’t worry, Natasha, he’ll get better and soon you’ll be making faces with him to call me maybe, at traffic light stops.

  2. Honestly Alex, it’s not a problem. Oh, I will if there is any need, thank you – that’s very pleasant of you. And yes, Matt told me about that a while ago. He was ever so worried about you. But I hope everything for you is reasonably okay.

    Our mum didn’t take it very well, as you could imagine. Her overall condition though, is fair. I guess Matt filled you in on the details, right? Oh, I will – in fact I’ll update you now:

    Matt’s still in a comatose, but there are improvements. I was talking to him – did mention you and your message too, not to worry – and he is ‘responding’ in very subtle ways. It’s better than no response, I can say. The doctor said to keep talking to him each day, which will encourage his system to kick-start again.

    Oh lol, he told you about that?! Gosh. That was a funny day. But I agree, I wouldn’t miss a beat to repeat such a classic with Matt. Anyway, I will keep you updated when I can. Keep a peeled eye on this post. I possibly will give a daily update on Matt.

    – Natasha.

    1. That’s no problem, at all. He did tell me, and I’m sure your mother will stay fit through this, and Matt will regain consciousness and be the healthy, amazing sweetheart he’s always been.

      Take care of yourself, Natasha. Stay safe and well, and I will keep an eye on this.

      1. Hi Alex

        Unfortunately, I have to tell you that there is some bad news, and some good news. The bad news is that Matt has gotten a lung infection from one of the neighbouring patients, but the good news is that he will be fine. Fixing that has undergone already. Also, he’s still ‘responding’ each day family talk to him. I still mention you too – give his conscience more incentive to fight and wake up lol.

        If Matt does happen to wake up during the coming days, we’ll try and get him in contact with you in the meantime while he recovers. Don’t bet on it, though – if he’s moderately ‘disorientated’, the doctor will set him up to regain his mobility and communication skills. It was a hard bang to the head, so there is a possibility that this will be the case before he gets in touch with you, Alex. That’s all for now.

        I/we hope you’re okay and safe too. (:

        – Natasha

      2. Shouldn’t the hospital be more careful with placements of their patients? That seems a bit careless and lazy to me. Please do mention me, he never leaves my mind. I don’t believe in a god, but at this moment I want to believe so bad just so my mind comes at ease and thoughts clear from my mind. I have dedicated my mind and heart to atleast feel my way to his heart and this may sound strange but speak to him in my head.

        I would love to talk to him, I don’t think I could bear anymore bad news at the moment, but he needs to focus on his health and that”s all I want for him. Tell him, that I love him, more than any other. I’ll be there for him, and that I am talking to him with his heart.

        I’m fine, I’ve just a had a couple more medical issues that need to get sorted that’s all, obviously worried and upset. I’m focused on him though, and I hope all of you are well and safe too, how are you dealing? Are you all right, love?

        Much love, Alex.

      3. Everyone and everything in hospitals is so sterilised yet so contagious – if you understand that ironic statement. That’s the unpromising thing about hospitals, including the trust of doctor’s word.

        You’re always mentioned, Alex, we make sure of it. A belief in hope is better than feeling doubtful, as well as taking an optimistic spiritual approach. I find meditating quite helpful when I’m not visiting Matt. Today we’ll be visiting (:

        I believe that when your body is in stress, it takes longer for present illnesses to recover. But I wish for all the best that you get well. When Matt gets better, you’ll get better if such bond is powerful between the two of you (:

        Mum isn’t feeling too well, despite putting a brave face on. I know she’s struggling inside. But we are all safe and coping to some degree.

        – Natasha

  3. Yeah, but the hospital should be smart enough in the placement of their patients, so these things can be avoided. Especially with a patient in a coma. I hate hospitals.

    I’m so glad you do, I don’t know what to do with myself lately. I’ve been trying everything, I’ve even tried to get enough money to try and visit him, but I can’t financially support that, or anything close. I’m just heartbroken that I can’t be with him, next to him.

    Funny you say that because, I can’t remember a time where I wouldn’t fall sick when Matt was away, or when Matt wouldn’t show up for a day or two, and I didn’t have a headache and didn’t find the need to lay down. Also, just a day before you posted this, I knew there was something wrong. I knew that things aren’t going right and I wrote a post about it on my blog. I was hysterical on that day, because I was so sure but I wanted to be wrong. Wanted to be dead wrong.

    I hope the best for your mother, and for you, and for Matt. I haven’t prayed to a ‘god’ in 10 years but I found myself praying for your mother and Matt, almost all the time. I love Matt, your mother and yourself. I wish you strength and your mother time.

    Much love, Alex.

    1. Hi Alex

      I apologise for this being a ‘last minute’ call, but there is a very special guest awaiting your arrival on Skype. But he’s a little slow, so be tender and patient with him (I already know you will be!) The wifi there is a little scrappy too, but he’ll be on a little before he sleeps. So I hope you do get this message as soon as it sends (:

      Best of luck

      – Natasha

      1. I’ve never smiled so hard in my life. I’m so glad, thanks Natasha. I’m lost for words.

        Much love, Alex.

      2. Hi Alex

        How are you? I heard that you and Matt had technical difficulties last night with Skype. So I sat down with him and asked if there was an alternative route – and thankfully my brother still has his intelligence – you could try MSN now, since he’s on before he has his dinner.

        I’m glad that made you smile though, Matt said he was happy to even just see you sign on (:

        – Natasha

  4. Hello darling, I’m all right, and yourself lover? Yes, we did and I even went on MSN yesterday since it takes bad connection a little better but Matt wasn’t on.

    I’m just so happy, he’s safe.
    Thank you for everything, Natasha.

    1. The message for you is private – Matt said if I needed to tell you anything in detail, he said I could make it password protected with the password you and him share.

      Your welcome (:

      – Natasha

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