So on Friday, I went to visit the family again. The one who is recovering from their operation is doing just fine, and will be checked out next week or so. Matt too is set to be checked out of the hospital – discussions with his doctor and family will determine if he is ‘fit’ to leave.
I am still doing alright, myself. I have found that inner-strength to overcome the stress and struggle, and have embraced it. Now it is just a shadow in my life that I must chase with light in order to get by. Because shadows cannot live without light. There is no life without light and dark. The world would be dead and cold. Lifeless.
If you are regulars of my brother’s blog, you will realise that Matt’s state fluctuates. This is normal of him. I really think it is the hospital environment which makes him edgy and paranoid, but there isn’t an alternative for him. However, with the discussion with the doctor today may solve that: if he is fit enough to return home, then his entire state may escalate – and that is something we would all want.
My visit on Friday was… I guess, pleasant than the last few days. ‘Family’ was smiling away, and said that they were proud with my brother and I for handling such a time. I had to double-take, jokingly asking whether they were sure about that with Matt. I recieved a laugh and a reassurance. Yes, Matt, for him, has tried so hard and is still continuing to build that wall of confidence again. He is handling it in his own way. That is what matters.
In ‘Peculiar’, I told you that Matt is overflowing with poetry ideas, but worried he would forget it the next day. So, I advised him to put those ideas into objects around him, so that he could relate and remember the following day. Well… it sort of worked. He’s dying for pen and paper, but there isn’t anything I can do. Patience is what I adivsed him.
A quick summary of Saturday: the two were fine. Matt was very quiet, but I knew that in his mind, there was a lot going on.
I’d like both of them to come home now. I’m staying in the home on my own, and it is rather lonely without family. I have been out after visiting, with friends, or simply to just relax. Because it is stressful to even walk into the hospital and face both family members, who are in states which would make you feel ‘low’. I cannot find the right word to describe it, but to me, when I see them, I feel a little sad. They didn’t ask to be the way they are right now. But if it means that there is hope that they will get better, then let it be.
I’m just about to set off and visit now, and will update you later today.