Green Tea and Winter

Afternoon bloggers & readers,

How is everyone? Especially my American and Canadian audience; my prayers go out to those who are fighting the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy; stay strong and have hope.

So today I’m writing to you, with a nice cup of green tea, and England’s “beautiful dazzling weather shining” outside my window tending my side. As the seasons slowly fade into each other, my hibernation mode starts to creep in; I am constantly tired. I recall the last time I wrote to you, I was complaining I was tired and lacking my promises for some sweet art, and somewhat poetry. Honestly, I am struggling against two elements: laziness and low self-esteem. Family issues is weighing on me – will always be a valid excuse to the time where I’m able to accept the reality. I am just so bloody tired… exhausted, fatigued. I wish I could sleep a full night without waking up or being disturbed.

It’s dragging on us, it really is… I don’t think our ill family member… you know, will be able to take on a few more days. They’re far too weak now, it’s difficult, painful and hard to even see the reality. I wish to just pinch myself and be returned to reality, only to be a sick delusion. But it’s not. I know I seem pessimistic, but this is true, it’s in my face; I see it everyday, every second and minute, to every hour of the day; it withers not only myself, but my entire family. Imagine: you ask an adult what is the worst thing that could happen? They’d reply “Losing a child, or a family member who’s close to you”. It would apply the same way to a child. It’s painful.

The more I rant, the more I type, the more I think, I get even more tired. I’m not even hungry, and my sister has been so kind to cook tonight; I don’t want to disappoint her by not being able to eat dinner.

I have just stared at my screen for about 20 minutes, unable to think of anything… I really need to get this day over and done with. I apologise bloggers and readers for my lack of effort and etiquette.

– Matt


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