The Paramour’s journey has come to an end…

Hello viewers!

This is a sad announcement that ‘Chronicles of a Paramour’ has finally ended its journey [total of 14 chapters]. There will be no more additions to this collection of poetry, unfortunately. But, nevertheless, I hope you all enjoyed reading the collection and learnt a few tips or nifty grammar, metaphors and what not!

Poetry doesn’t stop there, though… my ‘The Last Will Be The First’ is an open poetry collection, and will be heavily filled with upcoming poems dealing with everyday inspirations.

I shall let you on a secret here, since you’ve been real keen readers… My poems actually come off the top of my head. They’re improvised on the spot! I don’t plan – there’s probably a billion mistakes that I don’t notice – occasionally I get a friend to read it to me – I love hearing people read my poems. It’s nice.

Anyway, glad you’ve made it through the first collection, I hope my style of poetry isn’t too confusing or messy for you – that’s what makes it creative and exciting!

Over and out!

SourcedRemores

a.k.a. Matt 🙂

Advertisements

Chapter 14: Memory

It’s the clearance of rapture, the metaphor of capture,
Love is a metaphor; love is a talent, setting fire to our hearts,
The burning bright flame is beautiful, but the flame can harm –
Burning a hole through our chests.

The flaming tongues that whisk one another, heart to heart,
Bloody and weary, the tears trickle from two pairs of eyes,
Best regards and thoughts are sent to us like flowers with a note
From loving memory, best wishes and may God’s nature bid you well.

It’s the change from one season to another, summer to autumn,
Where the deep red roses turn into decaying brown,
It’s the sunny blue sky changing into a rotting brown,
Where grey clouds smother the sun’s face, pouring down its cold tears
On the land below

Remember my name I said, on our first meeting together
of all the places in the world. I went out and was thrown
labels. When I returned, you listened to the hurt

Remember the song I said, on the following day, so that you’ll
think of me each time. I made a mistake, so I slipped from your arms
and went for a walk. When I came back, you listened to the guilt

Remember, you said, what it feels to be like this, on another day. I
knelt to the ground with my head gorged into my arms. And when I came home,
you held me in your arms to catch the tears

Remember, you said, who you are. I cried and bared my teeth at
shadows, questioning myself. When I returned to kiss you from sleep,
you stirred from the effort of apology

Remember, you said, what I mean to you. I ran into the woods under
the silver moon, ripping branches from trees. But when I came back,
the moonlight on your shoulder outshone my shivering story

Remember, you yelled, what you’ve become. I went out that night,
pulling and hitting uncontrollably at hatred. You cried as you faced the wall.
And when I came back, not even your mind could look at me

Remember, we roared, who you trust, on the beautiful beginning of
March. I reached out to you on the last day we spoke, and when I came
back, you were in the arms of memory.

Chapter 13: The Letter

Dear Lover,

 

I write to you with the knowledge of my actions

When I did what I did

But still torture myself wıth fractions

Of our long trip.

 

I write to say I know I hurt you

Knowing what I did.

But still wtihout you

I don’t think I can live.

 

You’re the only one

That I will still ever love.

You were the shoulder to lean on

When things got rough.

You were the voice of reason

When others were screaming.

You were the hand that picked me up

When I fell and put blood on my hands and knees

 

I know the times it was foolish and stupid

One huge mistake after the other.

To ask for forgiveness

Would not uncover

The truth and lies among witnesses.

 

I cry myself to sleep at night

Knowing that I shouldn’t

I should move on

But I can’t.

 

I starve myself now

To feed the hunger for you.

Only the devil’s water fills

Me just as well

To haze over our better memories.

 

After the final cheat argument

I realised

Just how much you meant to me.

And still now and then

The tears still roll hot from my eyes.

 

I wanted to show you I’d come clean

Desperate for that future

I know that now, it isn’t what it seems

But thus, the sufferıng rapture

Endures within me.

 

Summer has come to an end

Like a closed book

And though you moved on straight away

Impatient for my arrival

I have no right to fight and say.

 

I will never move on

And to never think

We are done.

 

I was so scared to tell you

I thought that I would lose you.

I highly doubted it

But it came true.

 

However, that final chance for your worry

If I could go back

I’d admıt to the felony

And so then, maybe you’d see that I have changed

Now I linger for that moment to work things out

To rebuild the cracked foundations in our lives

But I cant stop to think that it’s now over

And to think then, the venom will never sober.

 

You really were different

And that’s what I liked.

So innocent, and I abused that

Never will I let thıs heart and mınd

Ever let another come to find.

 

You were the most precious

Person in my life.

And maybe if I never did that

We’d still be doing alright.

Chapter 12: Moronic

In the hallway, fierce flames lick the charred walls,
There, I waited for you, here, there, knowing you’d take my calls,
Those desperate pleas for an ear to absorb my troubles,
Angry, crippled, heart-sickening stumbles,
My endearing fickle complains,
Something you call a ‘restraint’…

For a while, we wrote a short novel,
We fussed, tethered, almost grovelled,
Despite my word of another story,
Much longer than our perennial glory,
You listened well, but you’d cackle smugly,
I had to close our novella quickly,
For our little glory’s light darkened,
Why did I ever seek guidance from you?

While your disappearance became routine,
My need for your nimble ear soon deemed
Lost, gone, yet they still cascaded whenever a crack ceased the wall,
Temptation would always slip through the fall.

Time held me well, while you were absent without a trace,
I bathed in restlessness and frustrated fallacies, falling out of place,
While my impatience grew hungry for your dexterity,
I concluded to channel through to reality,
For other ears, my tales of woes became irritable whines,
Silent, but the foundation of devotion entwined,
Withering slowly.

Time still held me well, but you suddenly surfaced again, steadily,
Trigger-happy temptation, I aimed at you hastily,
I fired feverish questions; ‘where have you been(s)?’,
But the bullets didn’t break your seams,
Something in your eyes had hardened you,
You acted quite differently too,
I tried charm and wit to enlighten that darkness,
But the very gravity still remained flawless,
Nothing  softened the concrete wall in your mind,
Even within the kind.

My temptations balanced, going back and forth,
Battling with my angels and demons, betting to be caught,
I question in favour of many; what caused this heart-sickening disaster?
Little whispers from the innocent say I could master
The deepest and unlawful sorts of crimes,
There I stood; knowingly I’d struggle in my own grime,
But with the provision of permanent hands,
I fell and melted into the lying demands,
Where I composed a pathetic piece of poetry,
Moronic, spiteful, you took no hesitation to correct
Every word and verse,
Stripping me down once again, into the perfect enemy.

So time matured, and so did our fights,
I’d lie in bed, in those restless nights,
Rolling the die over and over again,
Just to see what would become of us then,
But every roll came with a price; I left that door wide open,
To pure honesty and little white lies,
I called several bluffs in the destructive battles and cries,
My poker face played well,
But suspicions continued to dwell,
My guilty hold would soon trembled and crumble
Under the interrogation, I’d mumble:
‘Nothing’s going on’,
Yet my angels knew well, I was wrong.

I remember when I fell into your chamber,
You asked; ‘it’s me or her’,
A difficult decision, but I knew there was more
For such a simple comment, I knew you were trying to lure,
But I disappointed your tasteful dexterity and chose her,
Your oceans twisted and turned,
There, you left me a lesson learnt,
But there, the side stories didn’t end,
You tried to break my happiness,
But hated to hear about my sadness,
Thus you steered me into ‘letting it be’,
A phase I misunderstood; thinking to gain back some light,
I used your ‘advice’, but I didn’t take the ‘let it be’ might,

They say love conquers all,
But that was just it.
You gave up on me because of my stupidity,
Tired and sick of my complaints, my unhappiness,
So you disappeared some more,
And our novel began to sober,
Word of our fighting held on tightly as I came to a decision,
Weakened by our penniless battles,
The cut between the ‘yes’ and ‘no’ saddles,
I fell into a sudden collision,
With the label of ‘suspicion’
Stapled to my forehead,

Our final chapter slowly tip-toed into summer,
And finally the fights were going under,
We broke the foundations of friendship,
We gave up on venting companionship,
Sick with the fatigue of adored voices,
I finally decided in an essay, my choice,
You replied, but second to last,
There was no more ‘plastered’ cast,
It was time to cut you out, rip you out of my life,
Free me from the two world’s strife,
But persistent, you were seemingly frustrated, disappointed,
And from there, I questioned your disjointed
Reaction; angered by my choice, in your words
To ‘please’ her, because of the ‘venting’ curse,
No, she was right; I would be better off without you,
From there, I knew it was true.

As a close friend, I said that I ‘loved’ you, and that this was goodbye,
It was time to move on, focus on my future in life,
Our friendship was fine, but our sins were far too great,
Sooner or later, it’d bring us that coming fate,
No longer did my temptations long for your nimble ear,
No longer would I hold our fair memories near,
I fell and melted,
But the consequences belted,
I was a sucker for your vulnerable past,
I felt like I could’ve been a hero,
Yet, I was so pathetic and useless,
Abusive and intrusive,
I destroyed not only a whole world, but a place I called ‘home’,
Somewhere I really belonged,
Without you.

I was pained by your disappearances,
I knew that this would lead to the consequences,
Our short novel, opened and read,
The secrets and whispers; dead.
Your ways of bullsh*t and gloat
Of things that you maximized by clenching the throat,
So here I am, writing you a goodbye poem,
Useless, pathetic, moronic, but all the more,
I couldn’t care less now that you’re gone,
This poem speaks for itself,
Admits more to the eye,
For I stand over you now,
This poem exceeds in the truth,
The lies, the bullsh*t for some of us pitied you for,
‘But would this even gather the dust of your dexterity?

Never.

Because this poem will never, ever, reach you.

Chapter 11: Dear Fading Memory

Dear Fading Memory,

I write this to you, so that it can be locked in the void of my mind,
This is our final goodbye, our farewell, the last of sorrow and pain.
I know you won’t look back and read this, so just think of it as an old photograph,
Where we can look back and refer to the better memories, the beauty,
Yet, I won’t dwell on the negative, but maybe the positive;

You gave me extraordinary strength to fight battles I couldn’t,
You taught me wit and knowledge that I never dreamed of knowing,
You taught me how to understand reality in times where the heart is lost,
You taught me that when stumbling upon a forked path, I’d have to be swift in decisions;
Ones that involve mind over heart, heart over mind; flashbacks to reflect,
Then finally, pick the next journey that lies ahead.

I remember you listing every single song you could for each artist
that was thrown at you for a challenge,
It showed your love of music, your determination and dedication,
The queen of music… How I’d remember you,
How I’d never forget you.

Everyday, I find myself looking over my shoulder to see if you’re there,
But while I walk further away, your silhouette fades,
Disappearing out of sight.
Though I’m unable to see certain things, I can catch your glistened eyes,
Sparkling in their vibrant hues before they’re dried for the last time.

Though I’ve tried, ‘sorry’ wouldn’t satisfy you,
It was never good enough because you saw more in me, and you needed that little more.
‘You or her’, a dead end, mind over heart decision; you were telling me something,
Or so I thought you were.
Maybe you were putting me into that forked road,
Showing that I couldn’t have two things at once, or have it both ways,
Maybe that’s why you strayed from me back then.
Either way, I choose not to know.

I still grieve at the fact that we can’t be friends anymore,
Knowing what happened between us, what we spoke of,
It’s left a crater in my life;
Those painful words I placed upon you – you shot right back at me,
I felt it… deeply.

I cried the day we went into battle; heartbreaking.
I look back at the poem I wrote,
Words I painted from my own interpretation,
Things I meant towards the end,
They were reversed…
Those lines were made to look like that,
To imply what you were portraying me as,
I wrote them especially to prove to you
That in blindness, we both don’t see enough.

I do care for you; I always will, cherished in memory,
There, you will stay,
Fading memory.

Chapter 10: Heavy Rain

Note: there are two narrative voices in this poem, just be aware if you get confused!

It’s as if you’re masked, hiding what you want.
It’s as if you’re pulling me along, and I see that clearly.
Your brilliant hues from the bloodshot eyes, you’re ready to leave.

Your magnificence is nothing but a mere light in a dark room.
Your words of intelligence and wit prove to me that you’re no fool.
Your heart beats with such splendour, you’re not a petty believer living in fairytales.

Can anyone match up to you with such knowledge? I don’t think so.
Over the time we’ve known each other, will it be obvious anymore?
Rectify the wrongs with your brilliant mind, and forbid the curse.
Render the lies into truths, unravel excuses I’ve spat out to you
Incinerate the memories that we shared, and,
Eventually, I’m no longer in the life you still live now.

Indeed, I have proven you false hope,
Maybe some false hope, I do admit.

Suppose this is the end line, where the train stops.
Opened beginnings are now closed endings that were never meant to be.
Remember the memories and how they felt, because now they’re dying slowly.
Remember, remember, and now forget and erase me from your sweet memory.
You stand before me, and you rip me down into the perfect fiend that once held you.

For you, and all else to those I’ve done this to, don’t forgive me, don’t remember me.
Overtime, I’ll just be a scar that will heal and vanish like it was never there.
Remembering when you look at a faint mark, you won’t remember where it came from.

Every single being who will come across this, hear this message, hear this warning,
Verify this message, this warning, and let them know, let those know, let them know
Exactly what this message is – decode the very beginning of this and you will notice it.
Roll over to the next chronicle; this chapter has its prolonging ending.
You and only you know –
Think when I lay down this sharp edge of cunning and lies in the hard skin of existance
He who will fall into the ashes from the broken and damned
I will feel that fate and get what I deserve.
Note this torment I’ve brought upon you, you didn’t deserve,
Gather the last tears that I have because I know that we’re both blind to what we say.

You still didn’t believe what I said, and I did what I did
Yet you still didn’t take the time to.
Now the agony boils in your veins as well as my guilt and regret.

I am your knife, I am your personal disease
And I will hurt you, I will play you
Because you, the perfect being know how to break this monster that I am down
Mercifulness does not shine in my heart, it’s dark, it’s tormented
And I infected you with that torment, I broke you down
I broke you down to the numbness that spread all over you
And I held you; I held you once and asked for forgiveness.

I see you twist and turn, and then stand still in outrage
Your bright burning hues which burn into my deep torment
Here comes the choking sensation in your throat
Here, here monster, let me put you out of your misery
Let me strangle you like ropes of your own taste of pain.
Feel your perfect poison spray from your out bursting breaths.
Shall I squeeze tighter and tighter until you die?
The cost of your life is nothing to me, you monster.
Squeeze hard and harder, I beg you to.
See my face turn purple in your wrath?
In your agony I’ve brought upon you
Now feel it to you wretched monster, feel it in your whimpering breaths.
This is where I rip you down into the very core, rip you down like you played me.
Here, here, feel it you bastard, you deadly poison, die.
Get out of my head, get out of my life
Don’t talk to me, don’t remember me, forget me
I’m your little game that’s turned against you
Don’t you ever come back.

Now I die slowly, away from you, your grasp around my neck loosen
The paining noose around my neck, branding my neck with your mark.
Scratch my eyes out, leave me bloody like they did.
I’m on my knees, butcher me, kill me, finish me,
Give me no mercy what-so-ever

Because in the end, I never really did come back to say I was sorry.
Because I never really meant ‘I love you’
Because you were right, I never gave a damn about you

Here I lay in the pool of my own misery and torment, which I’ve brought upon you
And you walk away with the last tear falling down your cheek, and quickly drying.

You never really cared; you played me like a game
I was never first, nor should I be your second best
Forget me, leave me, I don’t want you to ever come back.

Because what I wanted, never really mattered to you
Because what I really meant, looked like a lie to you

Chapter 9: Absolute

She can’t catch the tears that stream down her smeared eyes,
It’s been far too long, he’s been away too long.
Her heart pounds angrily in her chest, she’s desperate to shout
The words that one he and herself know.
Now, the cappella begins
His eye of wonder sees a universe,
Where neurotic nebulas bleed on one another,
Desperate chemicals, a fusion,
A fission of madness.
She leans in, kissing his lips longingly,
He finds her hands, and entwines their fingers, securely
Forget about the war behind us,
Forget about the Hell we’ve been through,
Forget about the past, this is now,
This is us.
Her lips brush over his ear, whispering
I love you, and no one could ever replace you,
You know that.He raises her hands, placing them on his cheeks,
Delicate, warm, soft,
Their hearts fuse together,
One.
The moment he leaves, she misses him,
She repeats her same prayer each night to his sightless figure,
Closes her eyes, imagining when he sleeps beside her, arms keeping her safe,
She’d whisper into his ear whilst he slept: “I have the strongest feeling
That I’ll dream about you tonight”
He said the words he never ever forgot to tell her,
He’d always wrap his arms around her,
Locking them in an embrace that protected their hearts,
Protected their moment.
Enough – should’ve never left it broken,
Should’ve held on, should’ve.
Now the hospital doors shut tight,
The monitor can be heard faintly,
Playing its routine melody,
They had the most of their last months of bliss,
He broke her heart, and mended it completely,
Now he wishes that accident never happened,
Now he wishes the blows never hit,
Now he wishes that she should’ve fought back,
But he knows right now, in the dark,
She fights.
Every day and every night,
He watches the hands of the clock wave their hours,
Watches the seconds tick routinely,
Waiting, hoping, praying
That she’ll wake up,
Come back to him, smiling and laughing.
But he knows he’s helpless and pathetic,
Because that’s all he cando: pray and wait.

“You are mine, and I am yours, and forever to this, loyal I will be.”

Come home, my love,
Come home to me,
I’m not the man I used to be without you,
And all I want is you to wake up
Walk through the doors, smiling,
And come home.I love you, and I miss you.Please wake up.