A While

Good evening bloggers & readers,

It’s been quite a while since we last sat down and ‘read’ each other. I do hope you’re all good and well in this great wide world. How am I? I’m doing alright and the like, cheers. I’ve got to start looking for a smaller place live in with my sister now, the home we’re in at the moment is a little big for fit, so it’s time.

From the last time we spoke too, we’ve acquired a new family member! His name is Bullet, an abandoned kitten I found on the way home from work about a month ago. He’s fit and healthy, had his checks and will be muted soon, because if I recall, my friend in South Africa will be coming back to the UK with her cat, Cleo, and we’ll probably end up accommodating her before I head west.

Anyway, you might be wondering why I haven’t been blogging for a while – those who are followers and not just pretty picture frames in my sidebar everytime I check my blog. Well, I’ve just been busy, settling down all over again and getting on with my final year of university. It’s a very busy time, I can tell you. I really can’t wait until it’s over, so I can crack on with getting a solid job, applying for my masters. I do apologise for my choppy paragraphs, I’m lacking quite a lot of sleep – focus isn’t quite what it seems, but what really is? Haha, sorry, I’m just messing with you.

Anyway, I’m going to settle down with my lover with a nice cuppa.

Matt

Return of the Blog

Hello bloggers and readers,

It’s been quite a long time since I last wrote to you, and I do apologise for that. You’ve probably been wondering where I’ve been – or that some of you have never really been that bothered about my whereabouts. Nevertheless, here I am, dedicating my day off to write to you about my latest adventures in my exciting life.

Firstly, before I actually pour the really lame ‘excuses’ for my lack of blogging, I want to let you guys know what’s been going down in the last couple of months. As you know, I had a very close and dear family member of mine fall with re-occurring cancer, and has unfortunately passed away over Christmas time. As for anyone who’s lost someone close, it’s hard, very hard to even be motivated to write something, let alone do anything. But aside from this, I’ve been working really hard at work and university too, as well as catching up on all the games I missed out on when my laptop was rugged and rigid; now a hulking graphics machine with many steroids pumped into it. I can’t say that the last few excuses were valid ones, but that’s the muck and rust from my hands and knees.

Another thing that’s really bogged me down is my poetry. I have nothing left in me to write. I truly feel like a part of me has been bled dry and has evaporated out of existence. It’s heartbreaking, really, because I love writing poetry and songs, but these last 7 months have just torn me down. I don’t feel physically torn down, but my love for writing poetry has, and I have no idea how to overcome it. I try and write something, it just comes out wrong. The lines don’t flow, the rhymes and words are mediocre and bleak. I don’t feel the colour and sound of the words. I lack motivation, I lack imagination… I need that spark at the end of my fingertips. But it’s not there. I’ve waited and waited to see if it was simply a writer’s block, but it feels a lot deeper than just a writer’s block. I’ve tried to leave it alone, to see if I had been pushing too hard, but it isn’t that either. I suppose that I’m just no longer inspired… In other terms: lazy.

I wrote about love like any other reckless poet would. I wrote about loss and happiness. I wrote so well years ago… It’s all gone. I know it’s there, I can still feel it, but when I try and look for it, it isn’t. A bit like a phantom limb. Is there a way out of this? Is there a solution? I’d like to know and get answers.

I think I need poetic rehabilitation.

Apart from me, what about you lot? How are you? How’s life? How’s the New Year treating you? Valentines Day is just around the corner! Anyone got a special someone, or a fancy you’d like to reel in? I’ve got something nice and sweet planned for my valentines, haha. I promised her not to get anything flashy…

It’s a day of lovin’ and snugglin’… and other things, but I think I’m going with the sweet and simple approach this year, because every other day is the same lovin’ and snugglin’, this day will be a little bit more romantic and appreciative… well a bit more appreciative. I don’t know, because my significant other and I are always loved up, so… what makes Valentines Day so special?

I have a favourite rant about Valentines Day with Foamy Squirrel, where Germaine rants about how the special occasion is rather a more insincere act of male opportunity…

It’s partially true. Well, I do generally think that some ladies out there feel like that Valentines Day is a day for ‘things’, when it should really be about appreciating your loved one [insert cute smiley here].

I’m just stabbing in the dark here, I’m pretty overwhelmed and tired from work today. Let me get back to real stuff in the next few posts.

– Matt

Merry Christmas!

Dear bloggers, followers, readers, family and friends,

I want to wish you a very Merry Christmas today and a Happy New Year. I guess we survived that little ‘end of the world’ hiccup, as well as world crises , and everything is fine [I hope]. Although, I have obtained a nasty flu bug and I am caked up to the brim with fluffy layers. I am still cold, no matter what. This also means that my Christmas dinner with the neighbours will be rather sullen, as I can’t enjoy it to the max. I will have to warn people to keep a safe distance from me, as I am slowly rotting away.

As we slowly close in on 2012, I want to thank you all for your support, comments and likes! I’ve reached a maximum through numerous bodies, and I am absolutely over the moon! So kudos to you, and once again, have one on me. I hope that today you’ll receive epic and wicked gifts, and spending that long awaited family time with everyone. For those Humbuggers, I wish you a great day off – if you’ve got the day off. Spend it wisely.

For those who are abroad or up during the midnight hours, this message has been released @ 00:00 UTC time [UK and most of Europe].

Best wishes to you, family and friends. I hope to hear from you again in the New Year!

– Matt

Madness

Good morning bloggers & readers,

I hope that you’re all good and well today. For those whose day has already commenced into afternoon or night, I hope your day went well, too.

It’s rather frosty and cold here in England [of course, ‘tis winter], and yet, I still go out every morning, caked in layers of thick clothing just to go for a jog. Some may think that’s a mad idea; that I’m crazy, but my explanation is: it’s the best time to do so, because the pedestrian walks are quiet. For example, I really don’t want to have a nice flow and to be suddenly slowed down by groups of people, or mothers pushing prams. No, it just wrecks your complete concentration. Like a good song was being interrupted by someone who reckons they can sing it just as well. It’s just a break in concentration.

Anyway, my cold is beginning to clear up, but my fatigue has fallen back in. I can’t seem to get any good nights anymore because of a current family member is gravely ill, and that my girlfriend is back in a hospital where the doctors have no idea on what they’re doing. You’d think that, in such a high medical position, they should know what is going on. This is the n’th time my girlfriend’s been administrated to the hospital. The first time, she got the all clear. About two to three days later, she was back in because her legs went numb again. She reckons that all these spontaneous problems are the aftermath of the car accident she was in dated a few months ago. It wasn’t too bad, but she had been knocked out for a few days. But the point is, after numerous blood tests, the doctors should know what they’re doing, and to be able to diagnose the problem. And what do we know what it is so far? No. No we don’t. That’s how useless these doctors are. All they keep doing is feeding her medication and monitoring her.

If anyone out there has experienced the following:

– Numbness in the legs
– Random bruising
– Thickening of the blood
– Extreme fatigue

Please get in touch, because both my girlfriend and I don’t know what’s wrong with her. The doctors can’t explain what it is, because they’re useless.

– Matt

Dear Sarah

I cannot thank you enough for the home and life you gave me, especially the love and care you sheltered me in for 18 years. It’s been truly fantastic. I know that you’ve fought through countless battles and would always come out on top, whether you lost or won them – your flawless optimism overpowered the chances. Undoubtedly, you’ve been the greatest gift to my family and me, because your free-spirited mind and motherly knack had always been so warm, so welcoming and so understanding.

Whenever you were down, we had always been by your side – even now. And through the years, you’ve taught me valuable lessons: you’ve shown me the things that an individual doesn’t see, but yourself; you’ve told me to take people as they come, and if they were brought up in such a way, you said to embrace it and believe that somewhere deep inside their soul, there is a light, waiting to be found – it was only a matter of time until that right person or event was to surface that.

You always had that ‘sixth sense’ about people. It may have not been absolutely 100%, but you were close to see through people. That sort of brushed off onto me, but unfortunately weakened as I grew older. I became blind to people’s entities. I’d end up trusting the wrong people, even when you warned me to be careful of them. It would only take one little pin-prick, and they would turn. I’d return to you, a mess, tell you the hell I went through, and you’d only say “I warned you, sweetheart”. Nodding, I knew I should’ve known better. I guess it was always in me. I wanted to impress, and by doing so, I would bite my tongue and let myself be pushed around. As those times became regular, a dangerous energy infested me, I soon became something so disapproving; my scathing anger was the result of my heart’s enragement. I would fight. I would hurt. It pained you, I knew it did. I heard it in your voice whenever I came back to tell you about it. You said I held a passionate nature that always wanted to seek acceptance, only because the idea of being lost frightened me. You knew I’d go about, silently, keeping my opinions to myself, until finally, I exploded. Bottling up thoughts is and will always be the worst thing to do.

So now, here I am, writing you a letter, telling you that I love you, reminding myself what is to come. I could always ask you what I should do, but you’re going to look at me and say “Embrace it, my darling”. Although, you already have, and I’ve shook my head in denial. I don’t want to go back; I’m here for a reason. I’m here for you – all of us are.

You’ve been amazing to me, and I cannot thank you enough for the life you’ve given me. You’ll be missed deeply – always and forever.

Lots of love from

Matt